How To Make a Life Full of Meaning and Purpose
Having a life that is full of meaning and purpose isn’t something that “just happens”. It comes about by our actions in fulfilling some of our basic needs, not from forces external.
But what needs do we focus on? Herein lies the problem. Unless we identify what our most basic needs are, we won’t be able to address them. So let’s take a look at some of the most basic needs we have:
1. We Need To Struggle Against Something
If we take a look at our lives, we find that it is permiated with the struggle against various things. Our parents, the law, societal norms, our present position in our social circles to name just a few.
There are many, many more examples, but if we take an honest look at it, we find that even when our life is going well, we take deep pleasure in working to overcome something. We see this in work, in the struggle to overcome a challenge. In sports, in the struggle for our team to overcome the other. We see this in shopping, in the search for the lowest price for the product we want.
In the realization of this manifestation in ourselves, we may be tempted to revel in unbridled acts of rebellion. But if we do, we find that the misguided acts of rebellion lead not to meaning and purpose, but only to alienating us from some of our other basic needs. Thereby destroying any purpose and meaning we are trying to create in our lives.
It is only through wisely guiding this basic need into useful and constructive endeavors when we have a chance to generate purposeful and meaningful lives.
Some may find an outlet in our jobs, by overcoming projects presented to us. Some may find an outlet in playing sports, or in creating art, or in helping others.
As long as we find a useful and constructive outlet for our need to strive against something, it will not build inside us until it lashes out at the most inappropriate times and ways.
I see this as the natural progression from some very basic and, slightly, later evolved circumstances.
First, biological evolution. The need to accumulate resources to survive. It is the biological motivator that can lead to greed when out of balance. From single celled organisms forming the first Markov Blankets, to the formation of the first multi-celled organisms, to the evolution of human kind, to the formation of tribes, cities and eventually nations. Everything we experience in life has shown us that our survival depends on, and our life gets better with learning to work together rather than being concerned with ourselves above all else. That is to say, with the evolution of our thinking away from biological selfishness into societal unselfishness.
This change cannot progress quickly. To try and switch too fast from our present society which teaches and rewards selfish thinking and actions, to a society that teaches and rewards societal unselfishness, is the best way to make sure it will fail. Personal selfishness is ingrained into our society and people. Without slowly changing the mindset of each and every person in the society, the selfish will overrun, take advantage of, and destroy the society we are trying to build.
Second, the extension of this need to accumulate resources into our evolved societies. The name of the game when we started evolving was simply to gain enough resources to survive.
As our societies got more and more advanced, it allowed the specialization of individuals to which allowed for every increasingly more complex items and tools in our lives. Cars, phones, satilite communication… all of this is only achievable through large enough societies allowing people to specialize in what they know.
This specialization of individuals comes with a down side. I don’t know how to hunt for food, build my house, build my car, build my phone and the network it runs on, build a power plant to power my home or build a sewage system to enable the “modern” emenities I enjoy.
For these reasons, society has become just as important as finding resources to survive. Therefore, our relation to society is reflected in our biology just as strongly as our need for food. When our need for food is not met, our physical and mental health is effected. When our relation to our societly is out of “optimal grip”, our physical and mental health is effected. Getting food and keeping our relation to our society are of equal importance. Fortunately, larger societies make getting food a lot easier than if we were on our own.
Third, the need to conserve resources. As we evolved, our existence was a balance between expending resources to find more resources, and conserving enough resources to survive long enough to gain more resources. As and example, we hunted for food, but we needed food to have the energy to hunt for food. When our resources got low, we hunted for more food.
As we evolved, it was unceartain where our next meal was coming from. The larger our societies got, we had to worry less and less about it. We just went to the grociery store, as long as our usefullness to the society was great enough to enable us to earn enough money to buy the food.
So, our whole existence has shown us two things, wether we realize it or not:
One. We need to struggle to survive. We evolved in an adversarial enviornment. It only makes sense that this struggle would be part of our makup. The key is to wisely guide this basic need into useful and constructive endeavors so we have a chance to generate purposeful and meaningful lives.
Two. We need to work together. This is a difficult one to incorporate into our thoughts and actions, simply because it seemingly goes against the first thing we were taught. Struggle to survive. But our struggle needs to evolve with our societal growth. As we once learned the personal responsibilites of keeping ourselves alive and healthy, we need to now learn the societal responsibilites to keep our societies alive and healthy.
2. We Need to Make Sense of/Understand the Things We Perceive
And 3. We Need to To Have a sense of Control Over the Things in Our Lives
We mow our lawns. We fold our clothes and put them away. We tidy up the house. We organize our things. We make plans. We draw conclusions about why people did something. We form ideas about what causes things that we encounter. We seek to fill our gaps in knowledge with stories or suppositions that we are satisfied with at least most of the time, if not given too much thought.
The simple fact is that we need to have a sense of control over and understanding of the things in our lives. It is one of the reasons we like the scientific method so much. It explains things in a way that we can understand and leads us to a points where we can form ideas on how to control what we think we understand.
If we search our lives, we can find innumerable examples of these two needs. But the question is “How do I channel these needs in contructive ways?”
Albert Camus said “…they deify what crushes them and find reason to hope in what impoverishes them “
In our gaps of knowledge and control, our need manifests as our best educated guess. Sometimes good. Sometimes not so much. And the wider the gap in our understanding and control to what we experience, the more exagerated and incomprehensible our explanations tend to be. The question that needs answered then becomes “How do I channel these needs in constructive ways and avoid the pitfalls of adhearing to outlandish ideas or concepts?”
Fortunately, there is one very simple way that will give benefits far beyond just these two needs.
LEARN
Learn everything you can. Find one thing in your life that you are interested in and learn all you can about it. When you get to the point where you think you have learned all there is to know about it, then you know that you have just begun your journey. Because only a fool thinks he knows everything.
Learn everything you can. Read everything you can. Talk to your friends about the things you have learned. Enjoy it. Revel in it. The more you learn, the better your life can be.
4. We Need a Social Structure That We Belong To
Like it or not, we are social creatures. Whether we embrace it and join every club we stumble across, or we strive against it and take pride in standing as the social outcast. We need a social structure that we belong to, no matter what role we play. Constructive or destructive.
The key to fulfilling this need of ours constructively is find a social group that we can get along with. A chess club, a band, the local car club, a book club… knitting, bike riding, movies, comics, role playing games, card games. There are endless opportunities to meet, face to face, with others that share the same interests. The key is to meet in person. To see another person’s face and interact in a manner that allows for reading of facial ques, body language. Online or over the phone just won’t cut it for long. And the whole purpose is to help generate purpose and meaning in our lives. Only prolonged, in person friendships accomplishes this. Everything else falls short to varying degrees.
One of the best ways to fill this need is to find a Convocationism group in your area. Meet with them. Go to their weekly services. Discuss the meditations laid out in the Convocational Bible. There you will meet people with the same goal in mind as you.
5. We Need to Have a Goal to Work Towards
If we take a look at our lives, we find that we are happiest when we are working towards a goal that we feel will be useful. Not in achieving a goal, but in working towards a goal. Think about it. The first thing we do when we achieve something is choose another goal to work on. Achieving a goal gives us joy, but it is in the working towards a goal that gives us happiness. Joy is fleeting, happiness lasts.
Even if fulfilling this need of ours seems daunting, it tuns out to be pretty simple. Pick something that interests you and work toward it. Painting. Polotics. Helping others. Starting a business. Planting a garden. Reading a book. Writing a book. Organizing a local social event. Going to see a movie that will come out soon.
The point is that it can be anything you want to do, or have to do, but make it a goal. Make it something that you have planned and are going to attend to. Put some time into planning it. Put some effort into it. A goal is something you are going to accomplish. As adults, most of the time it is going to be something you have to do, but sometimes it is going to be something you want to do. It doesn’t matter which. It only matters that you make it a goal and put some effort into making sure it turns out the best it can.
6. We Need to Have a Sense of Reciprocity in Our Interactions
How many of us know that one guy who only takes? The person you are always doing things for but they never do, or almost never do anything in return?
We need a sense of give and take in our dealings with other people. More so, we need to feel that we get in return enough to justify the effort we put into something. Work. Friendships. Our vehicles. Anything we devote our time to needs to give us a sense of “It is worth it.”
Nothing in life is going to be a 50/50 split. But continually putting effort into things that don’t give us a sense of reciprocity is one of the quickest ways to foster resentment and discontent in our lives.
Give where you can, but learn when to cut things off.
7. We Need to Maintain a Set of Actions That Affords Growth in Each of the Three Major Areas of our Human Existence. Mental, Physical and Spiritual.
At different times in our life we focus on, or see the importance in, the different aspects of our existence. At times we focus on our health, physical or mental. At times we focus on the more existential, or spiritual. Though most of the time, for most of the people, they focus on none.
If we do not have a set of practices that is focused on each part of what we need, then it will not be fulfilled. And a need unfulfilled is ample breeding ground for discontent. The internal discontent that drives us, usually subconsciously, to do or say things that cause turmoil in our lives.
But, if we develop a set of actions that addresses each of these areas, and stick to those actions, then we have a chance of living a life that is much better than if we don’t.
Mental – Read. Play games where you can use your mind. Contemplate on and discuss the Convocational meditations with your friends. Make constructive goals in your life. Think. There should be very few times in an adults life when they are not thinking about something.
Physical – The human body likes to move. Unfortunately, as we get older we become more sedentary. We get tired. We have aches and pains. We don’t feel like it. There are a million reasons we can come up with to not move. But the fact of the matter is that the more we don’t move, the worse it feels. The human body is meant to move. It improves so many aspects of our functionality and also improves our mental health. So go for a walk. Do some push-ups. Do leg lifts in your chair. Anything you can, just move. Your body, your mind and your outlook on life will thank you for it.
8. We Need to Strive for Balance in Action, Thought and Emotion
In life, there are many things which push us from balance. The other cars on the road that cut us off. The flat tire. The kids being difficult. The inlaws causing a ruckous. The neighbors playing their music too loud. The person at work that eats your lunch. Or the day that was supposed to be bright and shining that turns out to be cold and rainy.
Everything that happens in our lives pushes us to differing degrees of extremes. Some small deviations from balance, others much more. But as we notice our thoughts, actions or emotions going to extremes, we need to reel them back in.
And Balance does not mean a median point. Each person has a natural tendency, so the balance can be in a different spot depending on the person. Some of us are more in touch with our emotions. Our balance point will be different than others. But our goal should be not to let it get to an extreme. Some of us are more intellectual than others. Our balance point may not match others, but our goal should be to not let ourselves be overcome by a sense of superiority towards others. Some of us are more physical than others. Our balance point may not match others, but our goal should be to not let our physical prowess cause us to look down on others who haven’t worked for that end.
This is not to say that we cannot have times of great joy. My balance point for eating a peanut butter sandwitch is not going to be the same as when my team wins the championships. Enjoy the good times. Endure the bad times. Just don’t let yourself get unjustifiably too far from balance.
The key for everyone, even though our balance points will differ, is to watch out for extremes in our thoughts, actions and emotions. When we see ourselves going to unjustified extremes, we need to reel ourselves back in.
9. We Need to Have a Job That Benefits Us and the Society we Live in
We are social creatures, and we need to do something “worth while” with our time. We need to feel useful. One of the best ways to accomplish this is to have a job that benefits us and the society we live in.
Whether that is working for someone else, or owning our own business. Whether we shine shoes or build space vehicles, sell ice cream or cure cancer. If we want to build a life that has purpose and meaning, then we need to have a job that benefits us and the society we live in.